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What do you think of my very long poem?

Nada Mas asked:

Woman…
How deep are you?
Do you extend to the pits of existence’s core
Inverted
Do you reach the heavens?
You speak of your wants
Your desires
Like they were written on my body
Written in ancient languages
Written in secret constellations
Whispered into conversations
Etched onto broken tablets
Like a cryptic script
Scrimshaw
Hieroglyphic foreplay
Moon collision
Honeysuckle cataclysms
Sun dewdrops
Falling as hot
Steamy
Rain
Summer wetness
…

Your body is as magnificent as an Egyptian discovery
Your eyes reflect jewels of exotic treasures
Treasures I am indulging in your mind and body to find
Piecing you into my puzzle brings a rush to my limbs
Shivers engulf my body into orgasmic bliss and
My soul releases….
Your stares take me on a whirlwind of adventures
And you ride the waves of my mind
Causing tsunamis of emotions to build up inside me

How do I not touch you?
When the magnetic force of your existence
Attracts the metallic strength of my urges
Urges to….lick
The sweet honey from your neck
And…
Kiss all 25 flavors found on your lips
And yes…
I counted.

Every taste traced by my fingertips
Bound by the imagination of your tantric rhythms
Like African chains rusted
Pains from containing the mental bust
Struggling to best you
Each breath you take
Inhales the dead
Exhales civilizations
You walk….
Swinging your hips like the secret of life is hidden between your legs
Like the drip of your lips
Floods the Indus Valley
Like the skin that covers you blankets the Sahara
Woman…
The sun rises and falls with your orgasms
So I’m determined not to have half-days
I want to rub the planets
Fingerpop Jupiter
Lick at Saturn’s rings
And feel the soft of Uranus…
The curve of your lines
The red of your blues…
The sweet of your tongue…

My telescopic fingers will venture far out in your space
On a quest for hidden constellations of pleasure
Passing your Milky Way as I launch into the universe of your love
You quickly bring me back to earth with you moans

I straddle the horse of your desire
And as I ride the sounds of your body
you pull the reins
and I push…
and you push
and I pull

This consummated struggle between us
Heightens our desires as
Passionate back scratches
Constant hair tuggin
Pushes my limit
And I…
I

Fight the urges
This moment will be forever
I turn you over
Letting my fingers play the strings along your nipples
As my tongue sing to your….

Womanhood

operatic compositions
every moan and scream my cacophony
voices loud enough to raise the dead
raise Cain
raise hairs on our backs that create static
electromagnetic
energy enough to power Atlantis back to surface
Woman
I want to rock you back and forth in the cradle of life
Feed you Mesopotamia
Crucify you
Cast your ashes across the fertile crescent
And start a new life
Create new languages
Birth new heritage
You make me want to arrest myself and succumb to human injustice
Just so we can sneak passing glances
And meet after hours
Milky moons twinkling upon your mocha chocolate
Bodies dripping with undue stress
You make me want to go down with the Titanic
So on our final moments
I can go down on you…
You make me want to relive Vietnam
Find you in some decrepit no-name hostel
Rescue you from your stage-dancing leg-showing horror
Take you to the back
Unchain your heart
Invading six crevices
Digging more
You make me want to suffocate in your love
Asphyxiate on my fears
Commiserate with the devil
So that when I die
I become reborn
Woman…
you once told me as whispers on the wind
that we’d never cease our tantric explosions
you told me as leaves on trees
as leaves on the ground
as years passing in to yesterday
you promised me as dust affixed to the
embers burned in the
papers strewn across the
life…
that we’d…
always be…
(well I’ve had 2 idiots answer lol.)
(great feedback Marluxia! very much appreciated)

MOVIE SCRIPT—high school creative writing class?

Sassyyy Fish* asked:

******************I’m not looking for opinions on the writing, I no this is an armature script I just want feedback on the formatting or anything you see that is wrong making it unsuitable to submit to a director. (In the one on my word document the character names are all centered and everything) so I don’t want a comment on that being wrong but for example the first scene has a lot of smash cuts,, was there a better way to write down that it was flipping between two scenes or was writing smash cut for every change ok?? I no I’m not going to get a lot of answers but for anyone who takes the time to do this,, if anyone,, thank you!!

SOMETHING BLUE

Written By

———————–

Adopted from the novel by

Emily Griffin

CREDITS OVER:

A BABIES FACE FILLS THE FRAME — Wide eyed, a baby girl stares up from a carriage, the commotion of a lively baby shower slowly being revealed as the camera pulls back…

DARCY (V.O)

“I was born Beautiful. A C-section baby–”

SMASH TO:

EXT. A CROWDED STREET — AFTERNOON

Darcy walks purposely, hands in pockets, heals clanking on the pavement, face covered in a scarf and sun glasses, she calls a taxi…

DARCY (V.O)
“–I started out life right by avoiding the misshapen head and battle scars that come with being forced through a birth canal.”

CLOSE UP OF DARSY’S FACE as she pays for the taxi.

SMASH TO:

The Baby STARING UP from the carriage as larger portions of the party/shower is revealed. (A laughing woman holding a wine glass flickers in and out of the scene)…

SMASH TO:

TAXI PULLING AROUND A CORNER, Darcy looks out the window, face still crowded in sunglasses and a scarf.

DARCY (V.O)
“Instead I immerged with a dainty nose, bow-shaped lips, distinctive eyebrows, and just the right amount of fuzz covering my crown.”

SMASH TO:

Baby Darcy STARING UP from the carriage, eyes drifting over to a piece of falling tissue paper whilst being lifted out of the carriage and admired by surrounding figures.

SMASH TO:

DARCY EXCITING THE TAXI, thanking the driver, walking up the front steps of a New York flat and ringing the doorbell.

DARCY (V.O)
“And so I learned as I reined as prettiest girl in increasingly larger pools of competition–”

RACHEL ANSWERS and invites and during the greeting Darcy takes off her glasses, revealing her stunning beauty.

DARCY (V.O)
“–that there is a pecking order in life, and appearances play a role in that hierarchy.”

SMASH TO:

The baby being held and admired, EYES STILL FOCUSED on falling paper.

SMASH TO:

INT. RACHELS FLAT — Darcy and Rachel are talking, Darcy distressed, seeking comfort, Rachel distracted. Suddenly Darcy spots a watch on a bedside table, grabs it, starts searching around frantically until she rips open a closet door and finds Dex hiding in his boxers.

SMASH TO:

A TIP of the paper touches down, babies EYES ON PAPER.

SMASH TO:

Darcy starts to leave and then turns and PELTS THE WATCH AT DEX, which hit’s the wall behind him.

SMASH TO:

TISSUE PAPEER LANDING completely on ground, (baby blurred).

SMASH TO:

EXT. RACHELS APPARTMENT Darcy slams the door, then pants lightly while leaning on against the other side of it.

DARCY (V.O)
Then something happened that made me question everything that I thought I new about the world: Rachel, my plain do-gooding best friend and maid of honour, with frizzy hair the colour of wheat germ, swooped in and stole my fiancé.

INT. MARCUS’S HOUSE — LATE EVENING

Marcus is LOUNGING ON HIS BED playing guitar in his messy apartment, Darcy lying down next to him in full crisis mode.

DARCY
“Who is prettier, me or Rachel?”

MARCUS
“. . .hmm, that’s a toughie, I’m not sure.”

DARCY
“Marcus! I can’t believe your not taking this seriously, and stop playing that guitar!”

Marcus chuckles, detached from the crisis.

DARCY
“Stop laughing! There is nothing remotely funny about the situation!”

MARCUS
“I really don’t see why the situation of you wanting to no whether you are prettier then Rachel needs any kind of serious attention.”

DARCY
“Well it does because it‘s part of the whole thing, everything! I mean everything that’s going on!”

Marcus plays the last strings on his guitar, sighs, then places it to his side.

MARCUS
“Look, I just don’t see how you can be so outraged when we did the same thing.”

DARCY
“It’s not the same thing! I may have cheated on Dex with you, but I didn’t do anything to Rachel.”

MARCUS
“Well she and I did date for a minute, we had potential long before you came along.”

DARCY
“You went on a few lousy dates while I was eng
ok,, thins was the main reason why I put this up and no one had answered it. The main reason why it’s up is that I saw that there were to many smash cuts but I don’t know how to write the scene without them — so what I’s asking is WHAT DO I REPLACE THEM WITH??? I can’t just take them out there needs to be something saying that theres a scene change.

What do you think of this poem? it’s long but worth it?